BUT FIRST!!!!!
I just finished reading an AWESOME book, let's see if I can get a picture for you....
SUCCESS!!!!Yeah, so I finished reading this book this morning after having to put it down last night because I just could not stay awake any longer! The book is indeed, as the cover suggests, a firsthand account of the mission that killed Osama Bin Laden back in 2011 (ask me about that day sometime... I remember it vividly... it was p-day) As a bit of a history/war junkie this book seemed to be a wonderful choice for me. After many many recommendations I decided to pick it up and see for myself. I enjoy the style of writing that Mark Owen uses here, it is almost as though you are sitting with him at his home or in the car, completely conversational. He takes time to set the stage and give the reader a background on what the Navy SEALS do and also takes you for a few rides on the missions that he performed. All names have been changed for safety, but you still learn to love some of the teammates that he introduces you to. Now the book is rated R for language and scenes of violence but I highly recommend it to anyone who has interest in such things! I could not stop turning pages, even in the more "boring parts" of the book. Like I said, due to the conversational style of writing and the type of men you deal with in this book the language can get a little coarse, so don't go handing the book to a twelve year old. But, the book will leave you with a feeling of gratitude for the men and women who fight to keep this country safe. And for those of you who are not the largest Obama fans, there are a few comical stabs here and there. All in all No Easy Day was a very enjoyable read!
Ok, back to what you wanted to read the entire time anyway... OH! but first, nah just messing.
So I have been monumentally blessed in my life this past month. Before I left to come home on my mission I felt a lot of stress, I had a few days where my mind just kind of stopped working. You see, as a missionary I tried day in and day out to keep home out of my head and to just put one foot in front of the other, focusing on the people around me and the job at hand until one day that foot would lead me onto that airplane that would take me home. This got really hard in the last few months. I knew things were different back home, I knew people had changed, and I knew that my life would never ever be the same. I started to worry about what I was going to do, things like: college, work, and, yes, the ominous M word. And slowly but surely, the stress of the work, plus the stress of home collided and I found myself on a roller coaster of emotion that made my already confusing life a bit more confusing! This being said it was a hard hard road for me on the way home! I was blessed with companions who tried to keep me focused, with district mates who always tried to push me to the best of my ability. And of coarse a wonderful mission president, who always made sure that I knew how grateful he was for me.
Now comes the thought, this is all fine and dandy, Spencer, but what on earth does this have to do with anything? Amongst all of the stress and anxiety I felt, I still felt the need to be on the go constantly, I could not sit still and think for five seconds without throwing myself into panic mode! Sleep didn't come very easy, which made waking up that much harder, it seemed as though Heaven and Hell were fighting against/for me. My last day in the field was kind of the melting point. I was "forced" to leave my area a day early because my companion was training. I spent the day with two missionaries much younger than I was, it was such a fun day! I realized the many blessings God had put in my life, and I was content with leaving. I have said it before and I will say it again, when I stepped off that plane onto the floor of the Salt Lake airport I stepped out with no regrets.
When I left the hotel on Friday morning I was feeling a little sick. I just thought it was butterflies but they were there! I couldn't eat anything! The thought of food made me really really ill. This sucks when you have a thirteen hour plane ride in front of you. I pushed through getting sick only a few times in Dallas. This sickness threw a major wrench into the beautiful gears I had set up for my return home! I need not say it, but I will anyway, God moves in very mysterious ways!
My first few days home were spent recuperating, I watched some good movies with my little siblings, spent a lot of time on the coach and then just hung around home like I used to. That was very strange for me.
Here I go just rambling... In short, I felt completely out of my zone, it scared the living heck out of me! I sought new ways to keep myself busy, all of which failed. I'm going to "kurzgesagt" a lot of this, but due to a feeling I had I thought that I found a way out, only to find that it led to more questions, and more confusion.
As I said I have been monumentally blessed since coming home with wonderful friends and family. When a good friend invited me to come to institute I thought, 'sure why not'. Little did I know that this institute class would completely turn my world upside down! I spent a good deal of the class being kind of sour, not intentionally but when put into awkward situations, such as new surroundings, I block myself with a wall of sarcasm and attempted humor. The class was on President Uchtdorf's last talk, 'Of Regrets and Resolutions'. (I suggest reading it, it is FANTASTIC!) As I sat there listening to it, the last point came up... "I wish I had let myself be happier". Mensch... may as well put a bullet into my chest cause I felt that! I had been sitting outside my apartment not 2 or 3 hours early complaining to my mom about how unhappy I was, and there it was.
The change in perspective was not one of those aha moments, it was just a quiet reminder that I was the author of my own doings. I determined if I woke up and had a good day or not. I don't remember the instructors name, but this Brother saved my view point. I suddenly found myself seeking happiness. The small things I was allowed to do day in and day out! After a conversation with one of my favorite cousins that was far past due, I realized that the time to sit and think and regain your footing is one of the greatest blessings we can be given! I am so grateful for this past month which I have had, regardless of the fact that it has been filled with a grumpy face, I am thankful that I had the opportunity to sit back and make sense of what was in front of me!
May we all seek after this new perspective in each of our lives, allowing ourselves to see the beauty in the plan which God has laid out for us!
bis spaeter y'all!
No comments:
Post a Comment