Cleveland-Lloyd Dinosaur Quarry Paper

I so enjoyed writing a paper on the Cleveland-Lloyd Dino Quarry, that I thought I would share it. May I point out, that this article was written to be satire, and though some of the facts presented are legit, I in no way believe that a tornado really picked up the heavy Jurassic critters and dumped them in a lake bed.
I have to say that I agree more fully with the idea presented by my professor which is the flood theory.
Speaking of Jurassic, did you know that most of the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park are actually cretaceous animals? That's right, if Jurassic park were truly based upon dinos in the jurassic period of time, the protagonist would be my friend, and our state fossil, Allosaurus. Not T-Rex. But who am I to question the cold hard facts of hollywood!? Besides, Cretaceous Park doesn't really roll off the tongue like Jurassic Park does. So I won't fight. (Stegosaurus was actually a Jurassic Critter.)
Anyway, here it is! Enjoy!

What really happened?

A lot of mystery surrounds the Cleveland-Lloyd Dinosaur Quarry. Why are there so many predators strewn out among the bones? What could have caused such a catastrophe?  Many scientists have put forth their ideas as to what it was. A predator trap/poisoning effect seems unlikely. Drought seems even more unlikely, due to the lack of evidence in the sedimentary record. A situation of flood could be the cause, but my thoughts lean more towards…. Tornadoes.

            Now I know what you’re thinking, BUT SPENCER! No buts! Hear me out, Tornadoes are known for picking things up, even very heavy things, and moving them somewhere they do not belong. Why not a giant, heavy dinosaur? Let’s ignore their massive weight for a second and look at, instead, the bone map that has been placed for us. You see large amounts of carnivores, especially Allosaurus, strewn throughout the quarry, mixed in with multiple herbivores. Some of which are in tiny pieces EVERYWHERE! Now, if a tornado had enough velocity, to pick up a ton of dinosaurs, why couldn’t it have the velocity to tear them apart? (Morbid, I apologize!) But what of those skeletons that are found intact? I never said that the tearing happened to all the dinosaurs, inconsistent? Yes, but this is a tornado we are talking about! They are inconsistent!

            This brings up the bones that were trampled, if pieces of everything are getting thrown all over the place, why could they not bash in some bones? And in the thrashing, could the dinosaurs not kick and scratch at each other? And how dare we assume that in a frightened state Allosaurus doesn’t get the munchies! All of which perfectly explain some of the broken bones, the teeth marks, and the trampled signs.

            Now that your head has images of a flying, full-grown diplodocus, let me bring you to the next point. No doubt, being torn apart wasn’t bad enough! But Mother Nature had to go and dump these poor, unsuspecting dinos into a lake. So any survivors would have drowned, due to a loss of limbs. And once in the lake, the dense pieces would float to the bottom, to be covered by sand, mud, and other lakey substances. Thereby burying them until some curious people dug them up, exposing the sad tale of families, torn by tornado.

            The last point ties into that, the large amounts of dinosaurs can be attributed to this fast moving tunnel of high velocity winds ripping through the different herds of both carnivores, and herbivores, picking up a few sad suckers that could not get out of the way fast enough. Thereby creating a mass variety of dinosaurs.

            Do I really believe that a tornado did this? I don’t know does George Bush still believe that there are Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq? That’s for you to decide!